This blog post by Brett Blumenthal really hit a nerve with me today. I am the middle of something that has my head spinning.
Apparently, I am so evil and twisted that my badness stretches across the miles and through the Earth's atmosphere, causing mayhem and destruction without me actually have to do one single thing. Yes, I am so powerful that I could ruin your day, perhaps even your entire existence!, if I merely think your name today in a negative way.
It's scary being so evil. (I can't even bring myself to add the requisite "muhahahahaha" after that. [Hey, I do an incredible evil laugh!])
The person at the receiving end of my evilness has described me as having "deep problems" and said that I get "pleasure" out of hurting her and others. Once again, I point out to you that I actually did not speak, email, or communicate anything to this personal at all! Hmmm, who's the sick and twisted one?
What this has done has rocked my very existence. It has made me doubt my goodness. I am not perfect and never have claimed to be. But my basic belief as a human being is to be a good person. I try to be kind and empathetic. I try to think positively and help others do the same. I believe my greatest task as a mother is to raise children who do the same thing. My mantra is "we are kind to other people and kind to the Earth and all her animals!"
Yet, this one person has made me question myself. I've actually had quite surreal moments over the past few days where I have had to ask myself if my reality could be so completely askew. Am I such a devious person that I think I am good when I am actually very very bad?!
Can I rely on friends to be honest with me? Or are they also so evil (birds of a feather and all that) that they revel in my badness and won't tell me the truth? Who or what can I believe?!
Are you starting to see why my head is spinning?
I think I could take the relationship of which I speak and write an article on the signs of a relationship that really isn't working. Because a relationship doesn't really exist if it is between one person who walks on egg shells waiting for the inevitable moment when she makes the other person angry. A relationship doesn't exist when one person looks at every word, every phrase, every email, every phone call looking for the inevitable thing that will send her off the deep end.
Why, you ask, is it inevitable? Because this little ballet has been performed over and over through the years. It's a dance I know well. Unfortunately, I am never the lead. I never get to be the choreographer. I never get the cool tutu. I never get to be the princess. I always get to be the troll.
Well, I am tired of being the villian. I don't want to dance anymore. I'm stopping here. I'm going to chalk this up to a learning experience and another lesson how not to treat people. I'm taking back my sanity by refusing to play in her insane production ever again.